Much Improved

This weekend had to be one of the best weekends that I've had with my husband in a really long time. We seemed to be in tune with everything that needed to get done, and we just did it. I only remember losing my cool once while we were putting together a shelving unit for the basement together. It was for a very brief moment, so I don’t think it should actually count…but since I kind of yelled at him, then we’ll count it.

I'm trying to be in the “Now” and not worry about what may happen in the future. If I’m more aware with what is going on at that moment, I will enjoy it more. So far it has worked and I’m able to shut off that inner voice that tends to drive my mind into 100 different directions. I like who I am when I’m in the “Now”. I’m much calmer. Greg said he even thought I did well.

So my report card rating would probably have to be - much improved.

Not Messing Around

Heard from Michelle at my OB’s office today. She was just checking in and wanted to let me know that she faxed the script in for my blood work on Monday. Yahoo…more blood work! How fun!!!!!

During our conversation, I gave her a heads up about what happened last week and how I felt. She then told me that she and Ostrum talked about me and what was going on earlier this week. Sounds like Dr. Ostrums next step is to do laparoscopic surgery. He wants to go in and take a look to make sure I don’t have endometriosis, any polyps on my uterus and how the blockage is on the right tube. WOW!!! He’s not messing around!

Inside, I kind of wish she didn’t tell me because the word surgery freaks me out just a little bit. Knocking me out and cutting me open (yes I know the incisions will be small) and probing around inside me makes me a little nervous. BUT… I know all will be fine and we’ll have a lot more answers about what is going on.

It’s a good thing that he’s not messing around, but I just can’t hide the fact that I am a little scared.

Biggest Loser

I’m not the die hard TV show watcher. I catch shows when I can but don’t make it a point to stop my life because a show I like to watch comes on. I just can't do it...Besides that’s why they created DVR’s. Anyway, a show that I like to catch once in a while is The Biggest Loser. I can relate to the folks on the show and their struggles with their weight. I only wish that I could escape from my everyday responsibilities for 3 months and come back as half the person I am today.

I don’t normally watch the show week to week. But when I do I noticed that Brittany seemed to only lose 2 pounds each week. When others were drop 5lbs or more pounds sometimes. I saw her work her butt off and do the right things, still to only lose 2 lbs a week. I didn’t understand it and I felt so bad for her. I could see her frustration and disappointment. I wondered if there was something else going on that could be hindering her weight loss.

This morning on The Today Show, Brittany was on and talked about her struggle and difficult time losing the weight. She mentioned that towards the end of her time at the Ranch, that she was diagnosed with PCOS. The PCOS was the reason why she was having such a hard time losing the weight. Her hormones were all messed up which made losing weight very difficult. She is currently being treated and will be going to see an endocrinologist.

I found it strange that I just happened to turn on the TV a few moments prior to Brittany telling the world she had PCOS. As she explained what was happening to her and how she was being treated. A felt a sense of relief come over me. I felt the reassurance that I’m not alone and that my problems are true problems and will get fixed.

After last week I was very frustrated with what was going, and lost sight that I truly do have an issue. I had heard of an Endocrinologist before but never knew exactly what they treated. By catching Brittany today, she gave me more information that could benefit me and what I’m going through. I feel like I now have other options to talk to my OB about...Options I never knew I had.

I am a true believer in signs and things happening for a reason. Thank Goodness I turned on that TV today!

Tears for Fears

Last night I cried many, many tears. Why you ask? Because around 8:00 last night, I found out that my period was starting again. Mind you I just had one that started on the 11th and ended on the 15th. So now 4 ½ days later another one is beginning. Why? I have no clue! This is obviously another sign that something is very wrong with my hormones. I was absolutely crushed…You can only imagine the thoughts that went through my head. I sat on the couch next to Greg and stared off into never-never land. Then Greg flipped to John & Kate Plus 8 (a show that I LOVE) and I just LOST it. The sight of those little babies just pushed me over the edge and I couldn’t stop crying. Greg tried to help me by cracking a joke. I eventually calmed down and pulled myself together. Later Greg told me that it would be okay, and we would get this all figured out. I had a hard time falling asleep last night and woke up with slight period migraine this morning. Wanting to stay in bed all day, I forced myself to get out of bed and move on with my day.

I called the OB’s office, the nurse I usually talk to (Michelle) is off, so I spoke to another nurse that I’ve never talked to before. She told me that this could be a sign of ovulation and may not be a true period. She told me to watch it and to call Michelle back on Monday. But in the mean time to go have fun with Greg and see what happens. I doubt that this is a sign of ovulation, since I am taking daily ovulation tests and today it showed nothing. I guess time will only tell what truly is going on.

Odd Week

St. Patricks Day was Monday…Friday is Good Friday…and Sunday is Easter.
This just seems all wrong. Am I the only one having a hard time with Easter being so early this year?

Apology Call

I received a call from the nurse at my OB’s office this morning. She apologized again and told me she spoke to Dr. Ostrum this morning about what happened. From their talk, she wanted to tell me that Ostrum is going to keep me on a few more cycles of Clomid. Which is great! After next month if we were not successful in getting pregnant, he was probably going to send me to an IVF doctor. But since I was on Clomid for 3 months before we found out my right tube was blocked, he wants to give things more time. This makes me happy. Since the HSG test in January, my hormones have been on a rollercoaster ride and I think they need a little more time to more time to get back to normal. I personally think that the blockage is cleared given all the happened after the HSG test. I will see him on the 8th and we will discuss our next steps.

Having time to think about this mess these past few days, I feel that everything will be okay. I’ve always believed that things happen for a reason. Michelle’s (the nurse) forgetfulness may just workout to my advantage and prove to be helpful. The more information I have about how my hormones are doing on and off Clomid will help me and the doctor out in the long run.

This is me trying to stay positive about this whole situation….how am I doing?

HAPPY ST. PADDY'S DAY !!!!!

Time for some Green Beer or an Irish Car Bomb! Hummm... the decisions!

Silly Me!!!

This morning I was on the phone with Verizon Billing department. I talked with a incompetent representative about my cable services and ensuring I wasn’t going to get billed for something I never received. Conclusion…not good…which will now lead me down the path of writing a letter to Verizon about the incompetent employees they have working for them and to let them know I am willing to pay the 100 termination charge and go back to Direct TV, because of their crappy Customer Services. What a way to start of my day.

Then the next call was to my OBGYN’s office. This was to find out why the nurse never called me back last week regarding the next round of Clomid. I figured since I didn’t get a call back that all was normal and she called the script in anyway. So on Saturday I called the pharmacy to see if anything was there for me to pick up. NOTHING! The pharmacist couldn’t do anything without the orders from the doctor. And since I was not in the mood to call the emergency # for a damn prescription and talk to a doctor about my situation, I decided to wait. Knowing I’m missing the window of opportunity here. But hey…maybe the doctor wanted to try something different this month. Just maybe… Again… where is my head!

Well – after talking to the nurse and hearing her apologize about how she F’d up…and how this gives us another cycle before he would refer me on to the IVF doctors…Good Grief is all I can say!!!! Silly me for not ridding my doctors office’s ass about this stuff. Won't happen again, trust me! My appointment in April should be just lovely.

I was on a mission to get things cleared up this morning. Ha! Again…Silly me!

Sometimes I'd like for it to be about me.

Lately, I just want to be alone and curl up with my thoughts and a good book. Blocking out the rest of the world and their problems. But in the same breath I would love for someone just to pick up the phone and ask me how I'm doing. I would probably fall apart in tears because I truly don't know how I am. I'm not happy nor sad...I feel like I'm just here. I feel like I've been fighting everyone and everything. Yelling at Greg for no reason, yelling at my computer at some of the idiots that I work (Not like they would actually hear me, but it helps), yelling at the idiot drivers. Are you seeing a pattern here? I can't tell you why I'm yelling so much, I just am. Greg says I have issues, which is true. But don't we all?

I have a girlfriend named Dawn, she is one of my best friends. But I don't think I could call her that anymore lately because the past 100 conversations, have turned out to be all about her and usually goes something like this...

Me: Hey, it's me... whatcha up to????
Dawn: Well. Blah.. blah...blah.. (and 30 more minutes of Blah, Blah and more Blah. Durning that time I say maybe 20 words)
Me: Call me back when you get time, got some things to talk to you about.

And of course no calls. E-mails from her are the same way. All about Dawn and a little about wondering how her friend is doing. What is so sad is, Dawn didn't even know about half the stuff that was going on with us trying to have a baby until 2 weeks ago. I told her over lunch, from that point she could see the pain on my face and understood for one freaking moment the world didn't revolve around her life's issues.

Thinking it's time for me to go make some new friends.

My Name

My first name is Laurie (for those of you who didn't already know this). It is pronounced LAWR-ee. It is is a variant of Laura or Lori. Now I don't believe I have a very difficult name to remember. Half the time people call me Lori and I don't even twice about correcting them. Because it just isn't worth my time to correct them. But I do pronouce my name as Lawr-ee not Lori. So my point here is that the one thing that really makes my skin crawl is when people call me Laura or Lauren. I hate it. Hate...Hate...Hate!!!! That is not my freaking name and it will never will be.

So now, please explain to me why folks I work with (and have for a while I may add), that are on my daily calls and recieve mulitple e-mails a week from me still fuck up my name? Huh...Huh????

The thing that is most annoying is I've already corrected them verbally and in e-mail. For the Love of God get it right already!! My name is not that hard. Is it to much to ask that you do me this one favor and get my name right. Come on! It is L-A-U-R-I-E not L-A-U-R-A!!!!!

Visit from the Pet Police

We had a visit from the Pet Police first thing this morning. I of course was pretty pissed that the even showed up. But anyway that's just me. All he wanted to know is what had happened and how I got bit. I explained to him all the lovely details about the 2 hours being cooped up in a carrier then being man handled by the Vet assistant. He completely understood and agreed that it wasn’t the cats fault. He just wanted to see that she was up-to-date on her Rabies Shoot and all was well. I had to sign a paper that said she would be in quarantined in the house until the 9th. Which means nothing to me because she is a house cat and never goes outside. So this should be the last time we ever get a visit from the Pet Police again. Now I can put this whole mess behind us and move on.

3 pissed off Cats and 1 infected finger later.

Friday afternoon we had a 4:15 appointment to take all 3 of our cats in for their yearly check-up. Of course we had the normal I'm not getting in that damn carrier from 2 of our cats. But that was to be expected. So we get to the appointment about 10 minutes early with the hopes we would be in and out by 5, which is normally the case. While Greg entertained our cats, I checked them in. There were other folks waiting and so I didn't think much of it. We sat, waited and watched all the cute dog and cats that folks were picking up or bringing in. It was very entertaining for us, but the cats weren't as amused.

Time kept ticking away and the cats became more upset. By now they have been coped up in their carriers for well over an hour. I could tell by the growls and the occasional hissing that they were beyond mad and getting pretty pissed off. Not only do I have 3 pissed cats on my hands, I also had to deal with the attitude from my husband about how we shouldn't be waiting this long to be seen. By now it's well past 5:15. I'm beginning to get pissed myself. Then....one of the many assistance working there calls us and takes us back in to one of their many exam rooms. She tells us the vet would be a few more minutes. I think...well okay, no problem.

I took Cleo out of her carrier and got her ready for the vet. Felix and Sophie were in the other carrier still pretty pissed and determined not to come out. So we let them sit in there with the door open. Neither one of them budged. Cleo decide to continue to growl an burry her head between my arm and my side and hide. How she could breath I have no idea. By this time 10 more minutes had passed and still no vet. Tick...tock...tick...tock and another 10 minutes went by and still no vet. By this time, I'm ready to go out front and ask them what the hell is going on. Then finally he shows up. About FUCKING time!!!

So we explain to him that all 3 are here for normal check up and shots. I hand over Cleo and she is hissing away, but she in normally bitchy like that, so no surprise there. So I helped the vet and petted her while he checked her over. All was good. He gave him her shots and back in the carrier she went. Felix was next, now at this point he's pissed and is hissing too. Now I must note Felix and Sophie NEVER hiss - they are laid back and very happy cats. Happy wasn't the case for either one that day. I can't necessarily blame them, I'd be pretty pissed off too if I was cooped up for almost 2 hours. I had to pet and talk to Felix too while the vet checked him over. 1st shot he turned and hissed at the vet. 2nd shot..well he didn't like that one either. So into Greg's arms he went. Then it was Sophie's turn...this is where it all went down hill. The Vet assistant reached in and grabbed Sophie by the back of her neck and pulled her out. OH that was a BIG no-no with Sophie. Hissing all the way. So I talked and petted Sophie while the vet checked her out. She was not having any part of it. Then the first shot went in and she freaked. The vet stopped and the same assistant helped hold her down to finish that shot. Then onto the 2nd shot. With all her might, Sophie tried to leap from the table... back legs straight up on the table and the assistant still had her by her neck. At that point as she was halfway in the air, she let out this very high pitched scream which freaked me and Greg out. So I go grab Sophie to help them and her out and don't you know... she bites me. Now I'm not talking she nipped the top of my skin type bit. She chomped down and went in deep. I was shocked!!!! Our quietest cat just bit me. WTF!!!. Now at this point I apologizing to the vet on how she is acting and there were more worried about me because I got bit. So I wash my hands and asks for a band-aide to help with the bleeding. My first thought was I'm glad she bit me and not one of them. Off Greg goes to put them in the car while I pay. For what will be the last time I plan on walking back into that place.

Now we get the cats home and give them treats and love on them and play with them to make them feel better. I went and took a good look at my finger. Sophie got one good puncture into the top of my finger below the first knuckle and underneath at the same spot, and some minor little scraps a few other places. Didn't look too bad. Until a few hours later. My finger swelled up to double it's size. By this time, I thought maybe I should get it checked out. But it was 9:00 and I didn't want to go to the emergency room. That would just be a big mistake. So I told Greg to take me to the Newark 24 hour Care Center. We headed out and he called his mom who is a nurse. She thought that we should wait and see how things were over the weekend and see the doctor on Monday and give it some time to heal. So my dumb ass decided to listen to her and Greg and we turned around and went home. I had plans Saturday morning with my mom, Dawn and her mom to do a stamping class. I wasn't going to miss it. So i wrapped my figure up and headed out Saturday morning. The swelling looked to have gone down and I figured all was well. Dawn's mom is a nurse and she said she would take a look at it too. GREAT more positive reassurance. Sure enough she said, it looked of and to soak it and keep it clean and all would be okay. I figured okay, I must have overreacted and should not worry. Well the next time, I'm doing what the little voice inside of me tells me to do and I'm not listening to anyone else. By the time I got home, the area's around where she punctured me at started turning red, and my figure was turning a lovely shade of purple. YEA... that didn't look so good. So I told Greg I wanted to go over to our local Emergency Medical Center in town and get it checked out. And after about 5 minutes of me explaining to him that I would like for him to go with me, he reluctantly came with me. Now to him, I was messing up his plans for what he wanted to do that day around the house and I was being a baby. Which pissed me off to no end, because I felt like no matter what I do, I'm on my own when it comes to things like this for me. I dropped and stopped everything when he sliced the side of his pinky finger off three weeks ago. I didn't even think twice... I just went. So the fact that he was choose house work over sitting with me at the Emergency care just rubbed me the wrong way. But that's a different story for another day. I went a saw the doctor and don't you know, my finger is infected and need antibiotics.Not only that I needed a tetanus shot, since I can't tell you the last time I had one.

To some up this really long story, my advice to you is this....always listen to that little voice inside you thats telling you what to do. Because it is usually right. Don't listen to other people around you. They aren't the ones that have to suffer with what is wrong.

As for my cats, they are all back home being very happy and loveable. Greg and I have decided to never take them to that vet again and to go with who our neighbor recommended. She is a vet that makes housecalls. That's right the vet come to you and your animals. She decided to start doing this because she saw how upset the cats and dogs got when they came to see her. She isn't that much more expensive then our normal vet. So if we have to pay a little more for our pets not to be put in that type of situation again the so be it. I'm all for it.