I've had some time to think about what Mikey is doing with the whole military thing. I know that there is nothing any of us could do to change his mind. I knew that when I talked to him. I'm mad at him, because of the secretive way he went about this whole thing. But then again if I look at it from his eyes, this was probably the best way he could handle it. Knowing everyone would react this way.
Do I think he's ready for the military... No! Can he physically do it this... YES! Mentally....I'm not sure if he'll make it. When we talked, he had this cockiness about him. The... "It's not going to happen to me attitude", that's why I feel he's not ready. It's that type of attitude that can get you killed. I just don't want him being another war statistic we hear about in the news every night.
Like I said...I've had time to think about it...and it is what it is. He's going to do what he wants to do, it's his life. This maybe the best thing for him, and it maybe what he personally needs. But for some reason, I just can't picture the carefree, independent, beach lover and avid fisherman making it in the military. He loves this stuff too much. How can he just walk away from it all, and give up his life as he's always known it to Uncle Sam? Come on...He hates being tied down to one girlfriend for a long period of time.
Regardless of what he does, he is family and we have to support him and his decision. The military is a very honorable thing to do. I just wish Mikey would have said that to me...then maybe I could take him a little more seriously.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
Family Stuff
This was the subject of the e-mail I received from Greg's cousin Alexis. Hadn't heard from Lex in a while, so it was good to hear from her. But what she had to tell me is hitting the rest of the family pretty hard. Something we never thought we'd have to be faced with. Her brother Mikey made an annoucement Saturday night at dinner that he enlisted himself in the Marnies on Friday. Now he is 22 and is more then capable to make his own discissions however, everyone in the family is telling him that he is making a BIG mistake! All of his reason's that he's giving everyone are BS reasons and excuses. "He's borded living at the beach and he wants some adventure." is what he told his parents. Which in no way is an acceptable answer for any of us.
I've talked with him and his mind is pretty much made up and it doesn't look like any of us can change his mind. Am I angry at him? Yes! I'm angry about the way he is handeling this whole situation. His reasons are BS, and I don't think he knows what the hell he's getting into. Greg is so angry at him that he can't even talk to him. So the hurt that I see in my husbands eyes kills me. He can't even talk to his own cousin. They are very close, and he can't even talk to him. GOD!!!!
So what now? We have until Wednesday to talk him out of it... because on Wednesday he has to go up to Dover and they will take him to Annapolis over night for physical evaluation and test... and then it would be offical. Mikey would be a Marine! He would then leave for boot camp in October... and God only knows what after that!
I told Mikey that there was no way that I could understand why he is doing this. I don't think any of us can. So I told him at one point during our conversation, that if this is what he had to do then I guess there wasn't anything any of us could do to change his mind. Lord knows I tried to pull out all the stop of why he shouldn't. But I guess you can't change someone's mind, once they have it made up. From what he said, he's know he was going to do this for a long time. He just didn't tell anyone because he knew we'd react this way.
Mikey say's he ready to be a man... So I think, if he's man enought to enlist. Then he is man enough to stand in front of his Grandmother who is 83 and tell her that he is joining, and not hide like a coward from the rest of the family!
If Greg can't convince Mikey that it's the wrong thing to do, then maybe Mom-mom is the person that will get to him. God I hope someone can! He's told his friends and close buddies and now the family is slowly finding out...and no one thinks this is a good idea. Now shouldn't that tell him something??????????????
I know this is his decision and maybe this is what he needs. I've thought about that too... maybe Mikey needs this, and none of us are listening. But I can't help but think that Mikey is writting his own death sentance by enlisting. Our family isn't a miltary family. But in three days, I guess we will be. Life as we know it, is going to change forever!
I've talked with him and his mind is pretty much made up and it doesn't look like any of us can change his mind. Am I angry at him? Yes! I'm angry about the way he is handeling this whole situation. His reasons are BS, and I don't think he knows what the hell he's getting into. Greg is so angry at him that he can't even talk to him. So the hurt that I see in my husbands eyes kills me. He can't even talk to his own cousin. They are very close, and he can't even talk to him. GOD!!!!
So what now? We have until Wednesday to talk him out of it... because on Wednesday he has to go up to Dover and they will take him to Annapolis over night for physical evaluation and test... and then it would be offical. Mikey would be a Marine! He would then leave for boot camp in October... and God only knows what after that!
I told Mikey that there was no way that I could understand why he is doing this. I don't think any of us can. So I told him at one point during our conversation, that if this is what he had to do then I guess there wasn't anything any of us could do to change his mind. Lord knows I tried to pull out all the stop of why he shouldn't. But I guess you can't change someone's mind, once they have it made up. From what he said, he's know he was going to do this for a long time. He just didn't tell anyone because he knew we'd react this way.
Mikey say's he ready to be a man... So I think, if he's man enought to enlist. Then he is man enough to stand in front of his Grandmother who is 83 and tell her that he is joining, and not hide like a coward from the rest of the family!
If Greg can't convince Mikey that it's the wrong thing to do, then maybe Mom-mom is the person that will get to him. God I hope someone can! He's told his friends and close buddies and now the family is slowly finding out...and no one thinks this is a good idea. Now shouldn't that tell him something??????????????
I know this is his decision and maybe this is what he needs. I've thought about that too... maybe Mikey needs this, and none of us are listening. But I can't help but think that Mikey is writting his own death sentance by enlisting. Our family isn't a miltary family. But in three days, I guess we will be. Life as we know it, is going to change forever!
Friday, August 17, 2007
Results are in....
Cat Scan showed no Kidney Stones...woohoo!!! Urine test showed I still have a UTI/Kidney infection. UGH! So the doctor wants me to drink, drink, drink...and try to flush my system out. No meds...nothing! Call her on Monday and see how I'm doing...and go back and see her again! So another 3 days of pain and running to the bathroom every twenty minutes! UGH!!!!!! God I hope this clears up soon.
Go Figure....
I'm never making plans to do anything again! Because when I do, I never get to do them anyway. On top of this lovely pain that I'm STILL having..I have a head cold. So does Greg... Go figure! Today we took the day off for a long weekend to spend at the beach at his grandmothers. But since we're both sick, we are home! DAMN IT!!!! I so wanted to go spend a nice relaxing weekend at the beach. We've had no time off this summer and we both needed to get away! We're feeling better today, but won't risk going to his grandmothers and getting her sick. We just can't do that to her. So here we are watching movies and taking it easy. Oh well...maybe we'll feel better tomorrow and still get to put our feet in the sand for a little while this weekend. Maybe...just maybe!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Do you have Kidney Stones?????
Well gosh Doctor...Do I???????????
You may know that for the past few weeks, I’ve not felt my best. First I thought I pulled a muscle in my back. Then since the pain didn’t go away, and got worse…I went to the doctors. Went through the process of elimination and determined that I had a Kidney Infection. GREAT!!! So they start me on antibiotics to help fight the infection. I finished up my meds on Sunday, and didn’t feel much better. Actually I feel worse, since the pain has moved from my back to my groin area. I called the doctors yesterday and made an appointment for this afternoon.
So this afternoon, I saw my doctor and had a lovely visit with her. She was away two weeks ago when this all started and I saw her brother Bill. (My family doctors are a brother and sister team, which took over their father’s practice when he passed away. I prefer to see Beth, but if she’s not around I’ll take Bill, both know me pretty well). So after I brought Beth up to speed on what is going on and why I was there today. I showed her where the pain was and where it is now…. She looked at me with all seriousness and asked…. “Do you have Kidney Stones????” I began to laugh… and said.. .”Well I don’t know Beth, I was hoping you’d tell me why I'm in so much pain” So with that…she’s asked a few more questions, and wrote down a lot of notes, and we talked for about a half hour about everything that was going on in my life and caught up.
Next steps: Another urine test and a Spiral Cat Scan to check for kidney stones.
What else developed in our discussion...
BP was 97/60…, which is great! With a new supplement I’ve been taking and eating right and losing weight. She wants me to stop taking my BP med and see how I do without it. Which is even better news, especially since were trying to have a baby. (So now my mother-in-law can get off my back about that one).
Don’t jump up and down for joy for me yet. Area of concern is my heart rate. My heart was racing…I told her it probably was, because I could not get calmed down. She wanted to know if it was Anxiety related with everything that has been going on, and I told her yes. Today –was one thing after another at work, and I rushed to get over to the appointment. It was hot in the waiting room, I’m not feeling well and I just couldn’t relax….and...and..and...and! We talked some more since this concerns her, and she wants to keep an eye on it. So… in two weeks I go back for a heart rate and BP check.
But the main concern is the pain that I'm having...I hope to get in for the Cat Scan soon..I'll call first thing tomorrow morning for an appointment. I hope I don't have to wait to long. Needless to say this saga will continue....
You may know that for the past few weeks, I’ve not felt my best. First I thought I pulled a muscle in my back. Then since the pain didn’t go away, and got worse…I went to the doctors. Went through the process of elimination and determined that I had a Kidney Infection. GREAT!!! So they start me on antibiotics to help fight the infection. I finished up my meds on Sunday, and didn’t feel much better. Actually I feel worse, since the pain has moved from my back to my groin area. I called the doctors yesterday and made an appointment for this afternoon.
So this afternoon, I saw my doctor and had a lovely visit with her. She was away two weeks ago when this all started and I saw her brother Bill. (My family doctors are a brother and sister team, which took over their father’s practice when he passed away. I prefer to see Beth, but if she’s not around I’ll take Bill, both know me pretty well). So after I brought Beth up to speed on what is going on and why I was there today. I showed her where the pain was and where it is now…. She looked at me with all seriousness and asked…. “Do you have Kidney Stones????” I began to laugh… and said.. .”Well I don’t know Beth, I was hoping you’d tell me why I'm in so much pain” So with that…she’s asked a few more questions, and wrote down a lot of notes, and we talked for about a half hour about everything that was going on in my life and caught up.
Next steps: Another urine test and a Spiral Cat Scan to check for kidney stones.
What else developed in our discussion...
BP was 97/60…, which is great! With a new supplement I’ve been taking and eating right and losing weight. She wants me to stop taking my BP med and see how I do without it. Which is even better news, especially since were trying to have a baby. (So now my mother-in-law can get off my back about that one).
Don’t jump up and down for joy for me yet. Area of concern is my heart rate. My heart was racing…I told her it probably was, because I could not get calmed down. She wanted to know if it was Anxiety related with everything that has been going on, and I told her yes. Today –was one thing after another at work, and I rushed to get over to the appointment. It was hot in the waiting room, I’m not feeling well and I just couldn’t relax….and...and..and...and! We talked some more since this concerns her, and she wants to keep an eye on it. So… in two weeks I go back for a heart rate and BP check.
But the main concern is the pain that I'm having...I hope to get in for the Cat Scan soon..I'll call first thing tomorrow morning for an appointment. I hope I don't have to wait to long. Needless to say this saga will continue....
Friday, August 10, 2007
The OBGYN called!
My OBGYN’s office actually kept their word. My doctor called me back personally yesterday, with the results of my ultrasound and our next steps. I didn’t have to make any follow-up calls this time or anything. He called me at work and talked with me like he’s known me forever. Which was great… I’m so relieved…finally someone is working with me instead of against me. So…. what did he say….
Ultrasound that was done on 7/30 came back looking great. Uterine lining and ovaries look really good. No cysts – which I knew last week when I left, but is good to hear coming from your doctor. Asked me if he was seeing me anytime soon. Told him no that was why I initially called, because I thought a yearly was scheduled but I never heard anything. He said no problem we’re going to get you in. He asked if we were actively tying and I told him yes. But I told him that it’s hard to determine when ovulation is happening since my cycles aren’t normal and have been anywhere from 5 – 8 weeks long. This is all hormone and stress related which is part of the PCOS. He’s going to send me for blood work to check my hormone levels, which I’ll have completed on the 27th. I will then see him on the 30th for my yearly. Which at that time, I’m sure we’ll talk more. But he did say that…if I’m not pregnant by my next cycle, he’s going to start me on a low dose clomid, which I will be on from day 5 thru 9 on my next cycle. I'll go in to see him and have an ultrasound done to see how the ovaries reacted to the clomid. Then we can go from there!
Since this call yesterday, I’ve been in a great mood! FINALLY a plan is in place, and he’s going to work with me. I can’t even begin to explain how I feel.
Ultrasound that was done on 7/30 came back looking great. Uterine lining and ovaries look really good. No cysts – which I knew last week when I left, but is good to hear coming from your doctor. Asked me if he was seeing me anytime soon. Told him no that was why I initially called, because I thought a yearly was scheduled but I never heard anything. He said no problem we’re going to get you in. He asked if we were actively tying and I told him yes. But I told him that it’s hard to determine when ovulation is happening since my cycles aren’t normal and have been anywhere from 5 – 8 weeks long. This is all hormone and stress related which is part of the PCOS. He’s going to send me for blood work to check my hormone levels, which I’ll have completed on the 27th. I will then see him on the 30th for my yearly. Which at that time, I’m sure we’ll talk more. But he did say that…if I’m not pregnant by my next cycle, he’s going to start me on a low dose clomid, which I will be on from day 5 thru 9 on my next cycle. I'll go in to see him and have an ultrasound done to see how the ovaries reacted to the clomid. Then we can go from there!
Since this call yesterday, I’ve been in a great mood! FINALLY a plan is in place, and he’s going to work with me. I can’t even begin to explain how I feel.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Call from my OBGYN's office
As promised I got a call this afternoon. My OB is sending me to get a ultrasound of the pelvis done to take a look at what is going on. No big deal as I've had this test done a few times before. Right now my appointment is on Tuesday the 31st. But I'm going to call and try to reschedule to see if the lab (which just opened down the street from my house) can get me in sooner. The 31st is a little too close to when my period should hit. Not that you needed to know that, but I don't want to take any chances that it will acutally hit me on time. So once I get the test done, the doctor is going to call personally and let me know what the next steps are once he see's the results. Keep your fingers crossed that I finally start getting some answers about what's going on besides... you have PCOS.
Monday, July 16, 2007
I walked away
I usually hate Monday’s and today was no exception. I’ve been putting personal things off for weeks now, only because I’ve been extremely busy. Well… today I took 20 minutes and made the calls that I’ve been needing to make. Only to find that these calls would push me over the edge:
1st call: To Family Doctors Office
Why: Over due for my normal check-up. I want to make sure my blood pressure is okay considering I’ve not had it checked in months. Then also get blood work done to make sure the rest of me is doing okay. You know the regular crap you should get checked out everyone once in a while.
Results: Their computer system is down, feel free to come in from blah blah time tomorrow, and blah blah time on Wednesday. Don’t know how long you’ll have to wait, because they have NO idea who is scheduled. There computer has been down for over a week now…don’t know how long it’s going to be down. So now, I have to pick a time and pray to GOD their not busy. It’s bad enough you wait when you have an appointment. I guess I better bring a good book, or my laptop with me...UGH!!!!
2nd call: To car dealership
Why: Back driver side window in my Jeep fell off the track on the way home yesterday, so it needs to get fixed. It’s wedge up in place now. So since that’s going in for that… I’m going to have them check out my transmission which I’ve been putting up with for weeks.
Results: Ummm…yea…we can get you in anytime next week. SO!!!! First thing Monday it is!! Oh well…at least that’s scheduled!
3rd call: To my OBGYN (yes, I finally called!)
Why: I want babies…and I’m due for my yearly check-up (fun I know)
Results: Talked to scheduling girl..My last appointment was at the end of June of 06. So I that tells me...I’m do! Thought I would have gotten a reminder card in the mail to remind me of my appointment. Nothing came, so that’s why I’m calling to see when I should be coming in. Schedule lady…”Umm…I don’t see an appointment for you for this year and he’s booked out right now for a year, so I can get you an appointment for this time next year, or I can put you on the cancellation list. Do you have any issues that would require you to get in earlier?” ME…Ah yea!!!! I have PCOS, I’m having issues and can not wait for a year! Schedule lady: “Oh… well since you have issue you need to talk to a nurse.” ME…”Thank you”… Nurse get’s on the phone… and I explain to her that I’m due for my yearly, thought I’d hear something from them as I thought it was scheduled last year, which it usually is. Hadn’t seen anything, so that’s why I’m following up. Told her I can not wait a year…and then went on to explain to her, that I’m trying to get pregnant and I’m not having much success. That my cycles have been about 53 days or longer for about the past three cycles…so I can’t really pinpoint when I’m ovulating…My cycles keep getting further and further apart and aren’t hitting me like clock work like normal. I do not want to take meds to help it get back on track. I want them to run test to determine what the hell is going on and put a game plan together.
SO…the doctor wasn’t in the office today (of course he’s not), she will talk with him tomorrow about my case and see what he wants to do. At this point now, I’m crying because… I told her, that I needed help… I don’t know what else to do…and I’m not waiting a year to see him…she said she completely understood and would call me back tomorrow.
So I hung up the phone, sat at my desk at work and cried. I felt so alone. Nothing lately I’ve done seems to go right. That 3rd call was the straw that broke the camels back for me. Everything hit me like a tone of bricks! I called my Mom and told her what was going on…and of course I cried. A lot!!! She’s knows I’ve been under the gun lately and understood. She told me I had to get away and go have some time for myself. Which sometimes is easier said then done in my world….My dad was going out to get lunch and offered to pick me up and grab some lunch. (They live 3 minutes away from my work) So I took him up on the offer…and I walked away! I walked away from all the e-mails, escalations, phone calls… for the first time in weeks. I just walked away and took time for me. I took a mental health break for me…and I didn’t care. I was tired of it all. I was gone a little over an hour, but when I came back…I was better. I was focused on what I needed to do and I told folks that I couldn’t help them at that moment and I’d get back to them. It felt good. It felt good to walk down that hall, out the front door and not care! I even said to myself…”Walk away…just walk away”, and I did.
To be continued…
1st call: To Family Doctors Office
Why: Over due for my normal check-up. I want to make sure my blood pressure is okay considering I’ve not had it checked in months. Then also get blood work done to make sure the rest of me is doing okay. You know the regular crap you should get checked out everyone once in a while.
Results: Their computer system is down, feel free to come in from blah blah time tomorrow, and blah blah time on Wednesday. Don’t know how long you’ll have to wait, because they have NO idea who is scheduled. There computer has been down for over a week now…don’t know how long it’s going to be down. So now, I have to pick a time and pray to GOD their not busy. It’s bad enough you wait when you have an appointment. I guess I better bring a good book, or my laptop with me...UGH!!!!
2nd call: To car dealership
Why: Back driver side window in my Jeep fell off the track on the way home yesterday, so it needs to get fixed. It’s wedge up in place now. So since that’s going in for that… I’m going to have them check out my transmission which I’ve been putting up with for weeks.
Results: Ummm…yea…we can get you in anytime next week. SO!!!! First thing Monday it is!! Oh well…at least that’s scheduled!
3rd call: To my OBGYN (yes, I finally called!)
Why: I want babies…and I’m due for my yearly check-up (fun I know)
Results: Talked to scheduling girl..My last appointment was at the end of June of 06. So I that tells me...I’m do! Thought I would have gotten a reminder card in the mail to remind me of my appointment. Nothing came, so that’s why I’m calling to see when I should be coming in. Schedule lady…”Umm…I don’t see an appointment for you for this year and he’s booked out right now for a year, so I can get you an appointment for this time next year, or I can put you on the cancellation list. Do you have any issues that would require you to get in earlier?” ME…Ah yea!!!! I have PCOS, I’m having issues and can not wait for a year! Schedule lady: “Oh… well since you have issue you need to talk to a nurse.” ME…”Thank you”… Nurse get’s on the phone… and I explain to her that I’m due for my yearly, thought I’d hear something from them as I thought it was scheduled last year, which it usually is. Hadn’t seen anything, so that’s why I’m following up. Told her I can not wait a year…and then went on to explain to her, that I’m trying to get pregnant and I’m not having much success. That my cycles have been about 53 days or longer for about the past three cycles…so I can’t really pinpoint when I’m ovulating…My cycles keep getting further and further apart and aren’t hitting me like clock work like normal. I do not want to take meds to help it get back on track. I want them to run test to determine what the hell is going on and put a game plan together.
SO…the doctor wasn’t in the office today (of course he’s not), she will talk with him tomorrow about my case and see what he wants to do. At this point now, I’m crying because… I told her, that I needed help… I don’t know what else to do…and I’m not waiting a year to see him…she said she completely understood and would call me back tomorrow.
So I hung up the phone, sat at my desk at work and cried. I felt so alone. Nothing lately I’ve done seems to go right. That 3rd call was the straw that broke the camels back for me. Everything hit me like a tone of bricks! I called my Mom and told her what was going on…and of course I cried. A lot!!! She’s knows I’ve been under the gun lately and understood. She told me I had to get away and go have some time for myself. Which sometimes is easier said then done in my world….My dad was going out to get lunch and offered to pick me up and grab some lunch. (They live 3 minutes away from my work) So I took him up on the offer…and I walked away! I walked away from all the e-mails, escalations, phone calls… for the first time in weeks. I just walked away and took time for me. I took a mental health break for me…and I didn’t care. I was tired of it all. I was gone a little over an hour, but when I came back…I was better. I was focused on what I needed to do and I told folks that I couldn’t help them at that moment and I’d get back to them. It felt good. It felt good to walk down that hall, out the front door and not care! I even said to myself…”Walk away…just walk away”, and I did.
To be continued…
Monday, July 09, 2007
A note to my friend....
I know you've been through HELL lately and for that I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do. In time, I know they will pinpoint what is going on, and some of our questions will finally have answers. Oh how I wish they'd figure that out soon and make you better. Why does it seem like bad things always happen to really good people. Life sometimes isn't fair and lately it has just SUCKED. At times I feel helpless since I'm so far away, I wish I was closer to help out. God, I can think of a hundered things I could do if I was closer, but I'm not. I can only sit here miles away and hope and pray for the best. Remember... I'm always here if you need me anytime day or night. Get well soon my friend!
Love ya!
Love ya!
Sunday, July 01, 2007
An Amazing Night
I'm way to wound up to even think about going to sleep right now. I just got home from the concert, and I have to say I was not disappointed! Tim and Faith are AMAZING!!!! A little over 3 hours of none stop Tim and Faith... What more could you ask for!
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