I walked away

I usually hate Monday’s and today was no exception. I’ve been putting personal things off for weeks now, only because I’ve been extremely busy. Well… today I took 20 minutes and made the calls that I’ve been needing to make. Only to find that these calls would push me over the edge:

1st call: To Family Doctors Office
Why: Over due for my normal check-up. I want to make sure my blood pressure is okay considering I’ve not had it checked in months. Then also get blood work done to make sure the rest of me is doing okay. You know the regular crap you should get checked out everyone once in a while.

Results: Their computer system is down, feel free to come in from blah blah time tomorrow, and blah blah time on Wednesday. Don’t know how long you’ll have to wait, because they have NO idea who is scheduled. There computer has been down for over a week now…don’t know how long it’s going to be down. So now, I have to pick a time and pray to GOD their not busy. It’s bad enough you wait when you have an appointment. I guess I better bring a good book, or my laptop with me...UGH!!!!


2nd call: To car dealership
Why: Back driver side window in my Jeep fell off the track on the way home yesterday, so it needs to get fixed. It’s wedge up in place now. So since that’s going in for that… I’m going to have them check out my transmission which I’ve been putting up with for weeks.

Results: Ummm…yea…we can get you in anytime next week. SO!!!! First thing Monday it is!! Oh well…at least that’s scheduled!


3rd call: To my OBGYN (yes, I finally called!)
Why: I want babies…and I’m due for my yearly check-up (fun I know)

Results: Talked to scheduling girl..My last appointment was at the end of June of 06. So I that tells me...I’m do! Thought I would have gotten a reminder card in the mail to remind me of my appointment. Nothing came, so that’s why I’m calling to see when I should be coming in. Schedule lady…”Umm…I don’t see an appointment for you for this year and he’s booked out right now for a year, so I can get you an appointment for this time next year, or I can put you on the cancellation list. Do you have any issues that would require you to get in earlier?” ME…Ah yea!!!! I have PCOS, I’m having issues and can not wait for a year! Schedule lady: “Oh… well since you have issue you need to talk to a nurse.” ME…”Thank you”… Nurse get’s on the phone… and I explain to her that I’m due for my yearly, thought I’d hear something from them as I thought it was scheduled last year, which it usually is. Hadn’t seen anything, so that’s why I’m following up. Told her I can not wait a year…and then went on to explain to her, that I’m trying to get pregnant and I’m not having much success. That my cycles have been about 53 days or longer for about the past three cycles…so I can’t really pinpoint when I’m ovulating…My cycles keep getting further and further apart and aren’t hitting me like clock work like normal. I do not want to take meds to help it get back on track. I want them to run test to determine what the hell is going on and put a game plan together.

SO…the doctor wasn’t in the office today (of course he’s not), she will talk with him tomorrow about my case and see what he wants to do. At this point now, I’m crying because… I told her, that I needed help… I don’t know what else to do…and I’m not waiting a year to see him…she said she completely understood and would call me back tomorrow.

So I hung up the phone, sat at my desk at work and cried. I felt so alone. Nothing lately I’ve done seems to go right. That 3rd call was the straw that broke the camels back for me. Everything hit me like a tone of bricks! I called my Mom and told her what was going on…and of course I cried. A lot!!! She’s knows I’ve been under the gun lately and understood. She told me I had to get away and go have some time for myself. Which sometimes is easier said then done in my world….My dad was going out to get lunch and offered to pick me up and grab some lunch. (They live 3 minutes away from my work) So I took him up on the offer…and I walked away! I walked away from all the e-mails, escalations, phone calls… for the first time in weeks. I just walked away and took time for me. I took a mental health break for me…and I didn’t care. I was tired of it all. I was gone a little over an hour, but when I came back…I was better. I was focused on what I needed to do and I told folks that I couldn’t help them at that moment and I’d get back to them. It felt good. It felt good to walk down that hall, out the front door and not care! I even said to myself…”Walk away…just walk away”, and I did.


To be continued…