Sugarland has a song and it is titled “Something More”. Today is one of those days that I needed to hear this song more then ever. As the Chorus goes:
There's gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss
I'm gonna take my chances
Taking a chance I might
Find what I'm looking for
There's gotta be something more
I truly hate my job…I have ZERO satisfaction with what I do each day. The work I do seems pointless sometimes (ok...all the time). I’m looking for a job now that I can truly feel like I’m making a difference in and a contribution too. I want to make a difference in something besides a CEO’s bonus check.
I always wanted to be a teacher when I grew up and lately I feel like maybe that is the way I should have went. I love kids and love to watch their little eyes light up when they discover/learn something new. I wanted to be one of those teachers that the kids would remember as truly making a difference in their lives and what they learned. I should have followed my gut in high school, and stayed with being a teacher’s aid at the local school for the deaf and continued with my Sign Language. Now that was fun. Yes, I can talk with my hands…
Maybe it's not too late to make a difference somewhere and somehow. I just know there’s gotta be something more than what I doing now.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
HSG Test - Finally Done!
I’ll spare all the fun details of how incompetent my local hospital is. Yesterday I finally had my HSG test done. The test showed that my right tube is open and my left tube is blocked. How bad it’s blocked we’re not sure. Dr. Ostrum wants to wait for two months to see if I can get pregnant since the right tube is clear. There is a chance that the HSG test will clear the blockage. I hope so. So if by mid-April I’m not pregnant I will then go back to see my doctor and talk about the next steps. To fix the blockage I’ll have to have laparoscopic surgery done. Or depending on how things go, we could just bypass the surgery and go right to IVF.
My mind has been racing since yesterday. Thoughts good and bad. I came home and started reading online about blocked tubes, IVF, PCOS and any other topic that I could think of. I’m trying to not think or worry about it, but man it’s hard not too.
My mind has been racing since yesterday. Thoughts good and bad. I came home and started reading online about blocked tubes, IVF, PCOS and any other topic that I could think of. I’m trying to not think or worry about it, but man it’s hard not too.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Sneezing, Sneezing and more Sneezing...
That is what I've done today and it is getting old fast. The pile of tissues is growing higher and higher. So as if I haven't had enough on my mind lately, I have to begin to ask this question. Will they do the HSG test if I have a cold? God that would suck if I had to reschedule because of a damn cold. I'm beginning to think that my body really does hate me. Stuff like this happens all the time, it never fails. Cross your fingers that this is just a minor sneezing fit that has lasted all day and not a cold....
A bit cold
We are sitting here watching the Green Bay Packers and the Giants Championship Football Game. It is oh... -2 there with a wind chill of -26. Now the high today in Delaware was 20 with the wind chill probably around 5 to 10 degrees, a bit cold for me. There is no way I could imagine -26. OUCH!!!
A little nervous
My HSG test is scheduled for Tuesday afternoon, and I have to admit as it gets closer I'm getting a little nervous. I've been anxious to get this test done for the past two months, but for some reason I've been worried about what if he does find something wrong? What happens then? My mind has been racing with all these thoughts, good and bad. Mainly I'm worried that he'll find something wrong and my dreams of having a child will be crushed. I hope this isn't the case and things will be fine. God I hope so.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Results for Round 3…let Round 4 begin
Much improvement in the hormone department with the 3rd round of Clomid. I shot up to 20.6 this time. 150mg seems to be the ticket. I went from 3.8 to 10.2 to now 20.6, they want them above 12, so a great improvement if you ask me. I’m waiting on the nurse to call me back to schedule the HSG test. The stars seem to be aligned this month in getting it done. Now I just hope the doctors schedule can fit it in. Keep your fingers crossed that this time it actually happens. Some other minor things going on which the nurse is going to talk to the doctor about, but nothing major to report. So time for Round 4 to begin. Oh the fun….
Monday, January 14, 2008
A question you just don't ask....
Mostly everyone knows that I work from home almost all the time. I do occasionally go into the office to keep my passwords updated and my badge access current. So today was one of those days. To say that maybe 15 people are in the office today is a stretch. More like 10. It is so quite! Only 3 of the people in here I like to see, all the rest of them are annoying and I have nothing in common with, nor anything to talk to them about. So I usually just wave and say nothing to them. Yes I’m a bitch like that! Since I sit all the way in the back corner of the room, I have to pass by one of the annoying people’s desk to leave the department. We shall call her Norah…. As I walked out the door to go to the ladies room, she perks up and says. “Well?????????” So I stop and turn around and look at her, she is now looking me up and down, with a big old smile on her face. Here is how the rest of the conversation goes…
Me: Well what???
Norah: Are you pregnant yet?
Me: (Ready to KILL her) Uh, no…and if I was you’d probably know it by now.
Norah: Oh…well I was just checking, you never know.
Me: Yea, Uh no….working on it. (Holding myself back from decking her as I walk out the door)
Oh trust me, I so wanted to deck her! I can't believe how rude and insensitive people can be sometime. People just don't think do they? You just don't go around asking people that type of question, especiallly when you don't even know them that well. I do wish people would just think sometimes and be a little sensitive to these types of issues. Lord knows the person they are probably asking is having a hard enough time with that subject as it is.
Needless to say, I don’t plan on making an appearance back in the office for quite some time now. If ever again!!!!!!
Me: Well what???
Norah: Are you pregnant yet?
Me: (Ready to KILL her) Uh, no…and if I was you’d probably know it by now.
Norah: Oh…well I was just checking, you never know.
Me: Yea, Uh no….working on it. (Holding myself back from decking her as I walk out the door)
Oh trust me, I so wanted to deck her! I can't believe how rude and insensitive people can be sometime. People just don't think do they? You just don't go around asking people that type of question, especiallly when you don't even know them that well. I do wish people would just think sometimes and be a little sensitive to these types of issues. Lord knows the person they are probably asking is having a hard enough time with that subject as it is.
Needless to say, I don’t plan on making an appearance back in the office for quite some time now. If ever again!!!!!!
Thursday, January 03, 2008
More blood work tomorrow
Tomorrow I go to have more blood work done. I should have the result of the progesterone levels sometime next week. I saw Dr. Ostrum last week to check to make sure the ovaries were okay with this round of Clomid. They looked just fine. Which is great news. No side effects this time around. Now that all the holidays are over, we are going to attempt to do the HSG test this month, to check to see if my tubes are blocked or not. He's wants to get it done, but knows that the most important thing that we needed to work on is getting my hormone levels correct. Every time I see him, he makes me feel more and more comfortable. He's a great doctor!!!!
# 3
My # 3 is one that I've debated about writing, but I figured what the hell why not. My brother was gay. Jamie came out of the closet when I was in 8th grade. When he came out I remember being pretty angry at him. I was 13/14 at that time, so didn't know too much about what being gay was all about and didn't understand it. Most of all I remember being hurt because I knew I wouldn't have a sister-in-law or a niece/nephew to spoil, and that hurt me. At that age you think your family is going to be the typical American family. I remember walking around my middle school in a daze, wondering if my friends knew. If I had a big arrow pointing at me that said, "My brother's Gay." I was lost.
My parents were shocked and upset when Jamie first told them. But they soon realized that they couldn't change Jamie, and that he was their son and they were going to love either way. After many talks with my brother, I realized he was the same brother I always loved. As I got older, it was easier for me to understand and accept
I was never one to just voluntarily tell people that he was gay. It was his life and it was up to him to tell people. If folks asked me, then I would tell them. But I didn't make it public knowledge unless asked. To this day my in-laws don't even know. One day I'll tell them and it will probably be when they are making some wise crack about being gay.
The purpose of me writing this is not to just tell you that my brother was gay. But to tell you about how hard of a time I had understanding and accepting it at that age. It was hard to understand back then. But is easier to understand now. It is something about my life that affected me that not many people know.
My parents were shocked and upset when Jamie first told them. But they soon realized that they couldn't change Jamie, and that he was their son and they were going to love either way. After many talks with my brother, I realized he was the same brother I always loved. As I got older, it was easier for me to understand and accept
I was never one to just voluntarily tell people that he was gay. It was his life and it was up to him to tell people. If folks asked me, then I would tell them. But I didn't make it public knowledge unless asked. To this day my in-laws don't even know. One day I'll tell them and it will probably be when they are making some wise crack about being gay.
The purpose of me writing this is not to just tell you that my brother was gay. But to tell you about how hard of a time I had understanding and accepting it at that age. It was hard to understand back then. But is easier to understand now. It is something about my life that affected me that not many people know.
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