Wednesday, September 17, 2008
A Good Morning
While on vacation, Greg and I talked about changes that we needed to start making once we got back home. We got off to a pretty rocky start the first two days this week, but this morning we did what we set out to do. We woke up early and went for a walk, ate breakfast and then showered and got ready for our work day. It was so nice. For the past two days, we didn’t get our walks in after dinner so that has been a bit disappointing. So we stuck to our plan this morning and did it. I plan on keeping this up and make it part of my (our) everyday routine. The morning is the only time I can get my exercising in, so I have no other choice then to adjust my schedule. I’m excited about the changes we are making… it was a good morning.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Back from vacation SUCKS!
I've been back to work for two days now and I feel like I've worked 800 Billion hours so far. Why is coming back from vacation so hard? This SUCKS!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
HOME
We are home and back from vacation. It's always nice to go away, but it is great to be back home. We spent the day, unpacking and getting things in from the store. Now we are relaxing and watching TV for the first time in over a week. I'm looking forward to getting back into a normal routine. I'm not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow, but who does when the come back from vacation?
Our time away was well needed. It was great to take my parents on their first real vacation in over 30 years. And yes, I am still mad at my mom. But I've come to the conclusion that I can't change or worry about her anymore. I have other things in my life I must focus my attention on. Going away tends to clear my head and allow me to refocus on what is important in my life. We are more focused now then ever before on us, working out, paying off bills, having fun and not stressing about the small stuff. Ahh... life is good, it's amazing what a little time away will do for you.
Our time away was well needed. It was great to take my parents on their first real vacation in over 30 years. And yes, I am still mad at my mom. But I've come to the conclusion that I can't change or worry about her anymore. I have other things in my life I must focus my attention on. Going away tends to clear my head and allow me to refocus on what is important in my life. We are more focused now then ever before on us, working out, paying off bills, having fun and not stressing about the small stuff. Ahh... life is good, it's amazing what a little time away will do for you.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Rain
Today it has been raining off and on all day. Which blows because I really wanted spend some more time on the beach. So we went to lunch and then drove around the island some more. We saw what I consider to be the worlds cheesiest Light House. We then went and got dinner for the night and came back to the house. Were we've read and played a game of 500 Rummy. Cooked Dinner and now we are just sitting around watching TV. My mom is pissed off at me and I haven't said anything to her. Dad told her I was mad, so I"m sure that has something to do with it. So now she is playing the victim and wants everyone to feel sorry for her. Ummm... nope not going to happen. Have fun feeling sorry for yourself. I'm sure the rest of this vacation is just going to be LOVELY!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Warning - Venting Blog!
***Warning ---- This Blog is a pure venting blog and is written with a lot of hurt and anger. As you read this, you may think I am a true BITCH.... Which right now, I am and i think I have every right to be. I can't vent to anyone else right now... so this is the only place I can escape to. ****
My mom is smoking again.... and I am having a very, very hard time with it. She tried to hide it on our way down Saturday, but I saw the cigarettes when I looked in her purse. There were only a few and when I saw them I should have thrown them out. But I didn't. When we arrived at the house we are staying at... I was outside talking with my mom ( I followed her when she went outside). Dad was walking the dog and came back up and was talking with us, then Dad and I started walking back to the house, Mom stayed still. Dad then turned to her and said are you going to have a cigarette and she just had this blank stare on her face. I then turned around and told her..."You don't have to hide it, I know you are smoking again" and I walked away. But I couldn't leave it at that. I went into the house and then went back outside to confront her about it. I got the BS answer I was expecting to hear from her. This whole thing with her arm has really scared her. She says she doesn't even finish one and doesn't even need it... Blah.. Blah.. Blah crap. But do you think , she has stopped since Saturday. NOPE! And oh smart one.... do you think you picking up smoking again is going to help you if you have to have surgery to fix your arm. You can't lift your arm up... but you can sure lift those smokes to your mouth! How fucking smart are you!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Every time I hear her go outside, or see her smoking the anger grows even deeper. I love my mom, but right now, I HATE her! I do! It is wrong to say that about any parent, but at this moment in my life I do. It kills me because, I know that if she continues to do this that she will end up like my grandmother dead @ 69 (or before). All because of the damn cigarettes. She stopped smoking at the beginning of the year, for what I thought would be for good. Now I thought that she had been smoke free for 9 months, but since she said she's been smoking for few weeks now, I don't even know what to believe. She could have been smoking the entire time for all I know. My mom lies....a lot! I hear one thing from Dad and present it to her and she tells me know, and she feeds me BS that she thinks I want to hear and she thinks she is smart. Just like Mom Mom use to do. Her smokers cough is back, worse now.... She can hardly breath....she goes right for her inhaler as soon as she comes back in from having a smoke. Ummm... Hello, your body is telling you NOT to smoke! What part of that don't you get!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!
I know this seems like a BS Blog, and I should stop bitching about my mom, but I can't. I know she is an adult and can do what she wants but she is killing herself. And I can't just stand around and let her do it. I've been in a pretty pissy mood all vacation, because I'm upset with her. To the point that I don't even want to talk to her. And I think she knows it.
I know if she continues, I will push myself further and further away from her, to the point I didn't think I would ever get with her. I will become numb and write her our of my life, like I did my Uncle. When as he was dying... I didn't look at him and fell sad that he was dying of liver failure. I was numb... All I remember thinking.. is you got what you deserved. I hope all the partying and drinking was worth it. Well... I hate to say this, but that is probably the attitude that I'll have with my mom. As she is hacking up a lung and can't breath. I'm not going to ask her if she is okay... I'm just going to ignore her. If she is too fucking stupid to figure out that crap is going to kill her... then fine... if that is the way you want to go out...then smoke away. But damn it... don't look to me for compassion or sympathy when your lying in the hospital with oxygen hooked up to you or your on a ventilator. And oh yea... I remember this decision you made to start smoking again, when the grandkids come around. Hope those little sticks will bring you lots of joy. Because, I will not be bringing them to see you if you still are smoking. Think I won't... Keep smoking and you'll find out.
My mom is smoking again.... and I am having a very, very hard time with it. She tried to hide it on our way down Saturday, but I saw the cigarettes when I looked in her purse. There were only a few and when I saw them I should have thrown them out. But I didn't. When we arrived at the house we are staying at... I was outside talking with my mom ( I followed her when she went outside). Dad was walking the dog and came back up and was talking with us, then Dad and I started walking back to the house, Mom stayed still. Dad then turned to her and said are you going to have a cigarette and she just had this blank stare on her face. I then turned around and told her..."You don't have to hide it, I know you are smoking again" and I walked away. But I couldn't leave it at that. I went into the house and then went back outside to confront her about it. I got the BS answer I was expecting to hear from her. This whole thing with her arm has really scared her. She says she doesn't even finish one and doesn't even need it... Blah.. Blah.. Blah crap. But do you think , she has stopped since Saturday. NOPE! And oh smart one.... do you think you picking up smoking again is going to help you if you have to have surgery to fix your arm. You can't lift your arm up... but you can sure lift those smokes to your mouth! How fucking smart are you!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Every time I hear her go outside, or see her smoking the anger grows even deeper. I love my mom, but right now, I HATE her! I do! It is wrong to say that about any parent, but at this moment in my life I do. It kills me because, I know that if she continues to do this that she will end up like my grandmother dead @ 69 (or before). All because of the damn cigarettes. She stopped smoking at the beginning of the year, for what I thought would be for good. Now I thought that she had been smoke free for 9 months, but since she said she's been smoking for few weeks now, I don't even know what to believe. She could have been smoking the entire time for all I know. My mom lies....a lot! I hear one thing from Dad and present it to her and she tells me know, and she feeds me BS that she thinks I want to hear and she thinks she is smart. Just like Mom Mom use to do. Her smokers cough is back, worse now.... She can hardly breath....she goes right for her inhaler as soon as she comes back in from having a smoke. Ummm... Hello, your body is telling you NOT to smoke! What part of that don't you get!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!
I know this seems like a BS Blog, and I should stop bitching about my mom, but I can't. I know she is an adult and can do what she wants but she is killing herself. And I can't just stand around and let her do it. I've been in a pretty pissy mood all vacation, because I'm upset with her. To the point that I don't even want to talk to her. And I think she knows it.
I know if she continues, I will push myself further and further away from her, to the point I didn't think I would ever get with her. I will become numb and write her our of my life, like I did my Uncle. When as he was dying... I didn't look at him and fell sad that he was dying of liver failure. I was numb... All I remember thinking.. is you got what you deserved. I hope all the partying and drinking was worth it. Well... I hate to say this, but that is probably the attitude that I'll have with my mom. As she is hacking up a lung and can't breath. I'm not going to ask her if she is okay... I'm just going to ignore her. If she is too fucking stupid to figure out that crap is going to kill her... then fine... if that is the way you want to go out...then smoke away. But damn it... don't look to me for compassion or sympathy when your lying in the hospital with oxygen hooked up to you or your on a ventilator. And oh yea... I remember this decision you made to start smoking again, when the grandkids come around. Hope those little sticks will bring you lots of joy. Because, I will not be bringing them to see you if you still are smoking. Think I won't... Keep smoking and you'll find out.
Halfway
Well we are half way through our vacation in Hilton Head, SC. I can tell you that it has been a nice vacation so far. The weather has been great. We drove into Tropical Storm Hanna on Saturday, but it cleared up by the time we went to made it to SC for lunch. We've spent time on the beach, driving around the island, relaxing and taking it easy. Today we went to Savannah, GA and took a trolley tour of old Savannah. We ate at The Lady and Son's Restaurant which is owned by Paula Deen and her 2 Son's. Food was very good. Would recommend anyone passing thru Savannah, to swing on by. Don't have to much planned for the rest of the vacation. Tomorrow I think we'll head back to the beach. Dad and Greg plan on getting up early tomorrow morning to go fishing, so I'm not sure what else the day will bring.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Relaxing...
Right now I'm relaxing and taking a break. I have a list of things to get done for our vacation, but I have no interest in doing any of it right now. I know tomorrow I'll be going non-stop so I'm cherishing this time to relax. This time tomorrow night I want to be in bed as we are leaving at 3am Saturday. So up at 2 for me. Yea.... who am I kidding.... I never get to bed the night before we leave for anywhere... UGH........guess I better go get crap done now. Wish me luck.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Upset with my Mom
I'm upset with my Mom, because I know that she is smoking again. I know this because twice now, I've been on the phone with her and can here her sucking in air. The sound that I am all too familiar with since she smoke my entire life. Plus the fact that she was outside talking to me on the phone while my Dad went to pick up dinner. My mom never goes outside. I called her out on it before and she denied it. But since I'm not there I have no proof.
So last night I got off the phone and went outside to talk to Greg and told him that I know my mom is smoking again. And he told me that she was! I flipped. My parents were down Sunday and somehow he brought up my Mom smoking to my Dad and he told her that she was only smoking when her friend Pat came around. But obviously Pat wasn't around while I was talking with her on the phone, so she is doing it more then what Dad thinks. Or Dad knows and isn't saying anything, which is probably the case. I am mad at her because she is sneaking around and lying about it. Here I thought for 9 months she's quit, but I guess she fooled me. So now I get to spend a week on vacation with her, and you better believe I'm going to be watching her like a hawk and will bring it up. As Greg said to me last night..."well if she is smoking again, she'll have another week to stop, because she's not smoking around us." UGH..... I'm so angry at her.
So last night I got off the phone and went outside to talk to Greg and told him that I know my mom is smoking again. And he told me that she was! I flipped. My parents were down Sunday and somehow he brought up my Mom smoking to my Dad and he told her that she was only smoking when her friend Pat came around. But obviously Pat wasn't around while I was talking with her on the phone, so she is doing it more then what Dad thinks. Or Dad knows and isn't saying anything, which is probably the case. I am mad at her because she is sneaking around and lying about it. Here I thought for 9 months she's quit, but I guess she fooled me. So now I get to spend a week on vacation with her, and you better believe I'm going to be watching her like a hawk and will bring it up. As Greg said to me last night..."well if she is smoking again, she'll have another week to stop, because she's not smoking around us." UGH..... I'm so angry at her.
Not feeling so hot
Yesterday afternoon, I could tell I was starting to get a migraine and felt like my stomach was upset. So I took some Advil and went to lay down. About an hour later I woke up feeling much better, but I was extremely hot. This morning, I woke up feeling the same way. The headache is slight, but my tummy doesn't feel to hot. Naturally all I want to do is curl up in a ball and go back to bed, but I can't. I hope this passes soon. We leave for vacation Saturday...Ugh.
Oh...I guess I should mention that my OB's nurse told me that I had a spike in my progesterone levels this month to 26.5. My highest levels ever. And usually when they see spikes like this that means that you've been successful in getting pregnant. But since my period isn't suppose to hit me until Saturday, the freaking waiting game is killing me. I've take 2 pregnancy test so far only for them to literally yell back at me that I wasn't pregnant. I won't take anymore until my period is late.
Add all this together....and...well...make your on conclusion. But my body is evil like that and I swear it hates me. I'm just going to wait to see what Saturday brings.
Oh...I guess I should mention that my OB's nurse told me that I had a spike in my progesterone levels this month to 26.5. My highest levels ever. And usually when they see spikes like this that means that you've been successful in getting pregnant. But since my period isn't suppose to hit me until Saturday, the freaking waiting game is killing me. I've take 2 pregnancy test so far only for them to literally yell back at me that I wasn't pregnant. I won't take anymore until my period is late.
Add all this together....and...well...make your on conclusion. But my body is evil like that and I swear it hates me. I'm just going to wait to see what Saturday brings.
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