11 years Today

11 years ago we said good-bye.
11 years ago you learned how to fly.
11 years ago everyone cried.

It's hard to believe that it has been 11 years since my brothers passing. I visited his grave today and I cried. I cried more today then I think I ever have before. I cried because I could tell I had been the only one to visit him in a while. The grass was starting to cover his stone. So I started to pull the grass away and I apologized. I apologized to Jamie that I didn't have all the tools that Dad usually would bring with him to clean up his area. But I would do the best I could to clean it up... and I cried. Jamie would probably kick my ass for crying the way that I did. I just couldn't help it.

I remember this day 11 years ago so vividly. I recall all the things that happened and even some of the conversations I had with people as if it happened yesterday.

Jamie passed away on November 21, 2006. Almost one week before Thanksgiving. We buried him the day before Thanksgiving that year. It's weird how the calendar works....11 years later the anniversary of his death and the day we buried him land on the same day.

As all of this may sound every sad, I hope this does not bother any of you that I share this with you.

Jamie was my older brother and I miss him dearly. Lord only knows where he and our family would be if he were still alive today. But I do know this, that I'm very glad to call him my brother and I cherish all the memories we had. I just hope that his little sister has made him proud.

Results are in

Talked with the nurse from my doctors office this afternoon. They received the results of Greg's test and the results from my blood work I had done on Wednesday. And the results are:

Greg is fine - no issues with his little guys. Which is wonderful news!

As for me... my test didn't come back as good as they hoped. But the good news is I did ovulate this time around. Which is an improvement from last time. So they are going to double my Clomid dose to 100mg. This will help get my levels up to where they want them to be. Right now I'm at a 3.8 and they would like them to be around 12. So I have a LONG way to go yet. She tried to put me back on Metformin, which I told her I could not take because it makes me sick. So we are going to try another medication, but she is going to talk to the doctor about it and will give me a call next week. Wait there's more...I get to go for a test (forget the name of it) to check to see if my tubes are clear or not. Oh what fun...they are going to make me glow! Yahoo!!!!!!

I finally have the validation I've been waiting a long time for. The problem is with ME! Which I've always known to be the case, I just never had a doctor get to this point with me and work on fixing the issue. F' all those doctors who told me I was just fine.

Lesson learned..listen to that inner voice that tells you something is wrong. It just may be right! Keep changing doctors until you find the one that will work with you, listen and not judge you. You'll be better off.

Waiting on results

Hubby spent some time alone in a room with a little cup two weeks ago. So now we are waiting on the results on his numbers. Should have those results tomorrow or Friday. I took my first round of Clomid. Didn't notice anything different. I've been to the doctors for my check up and everything is normal. Blood work done today to see if the Clomid helped. I'll have those results in about a week. Which should be about the same time my next period will hit. Well that's if I'm not pregnant.

Best Little Monster

The HULK was the best costume I saw tonight. That little guy was so into Halloween....I loved it. Man I wish I had my camera! We had about half the little monsters then we had last year. Which was surprising. Next year we'll just have to buy half the candy.

Trick or Treat!!!!

Turning 30

Today I turn 30 and I’m actually really excited about it. I know that may sound strange, but I am. I’m probably the only person in the world that doesn’t hate the BIG 30! Don’t get me wrong my 20’s were good, but not good enough to where I want to be stuck in that age group. I’m not one of those girls who will tell everyone that I’m 29 for the rest of my life. I’ve never been able to understand why people have a fear about getting older. I’ve been looking forward to this birthday for a really long time. Today, this birthday is allowing me to close some doors to my past, so I can move forward to open new ones. I’ve learned many lessons in my first 30 years. Those lessons will help make these next 30 years great!

So what am I doing to celebrate this wonderful day? Honestly...nothing much. I’m off the rest of the week from work so I slept in this morning, till about 9:00. It felt great! No real plans for the rest of the day. Just going to do whatever I feel like it. Tonight my husband and I are going to dinner at the Melting Pot. If you like fondue, then you’ll love this place. I can’t wait to just sit back, relax, drink some wine and enjoy some alone time with my hubby. It’s going to be great!

I think I’m going to dinner with my parents Friday night since my dad will be off. But they’ve not said much to me about getting together, so I’m not sure yet. I hinted to Greg that I wanted a little party months ago, and have dropped that hint many times to him since then. But he’s not letting me in on any plans that he may have up his sleeve. So we shall see.....i think something is up. People are being too quiet. ; )

I'm still here

It's been a little over a month since my last posting. I know...I know...way to long and I'm sorry. No real excuse of why I haven't written. Guess I've just been a little lazy. A few things have happened that I've not written about...

Our cousin Alexis is engaged. Congrats to Lex and Chris!

Mikey (Alexis's brother) shipped off to boot camp last week. We won't see him until his graduation in January. Greg and I have spent a lot of time with him and his family before he left.

A few other thing have been happening but I'll write about them tomorrow. Wanted you to know that I'm still here.

Horoscopes

For the past few weeks, I've had been reading my horoscope in the local paper. They have been pretty interesting to read because they have been dead on with the things that are happening in my life. Kinda creepy if you ask me. Just a little while ago, I was cleaning up getting ready for bed and read what my horoscope was for today. And it read.....

SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You're entitled to change your mind, which you'll do repeatedly as you keep adjusting priorities. Hopefully, you are inching yourself higher on the list.


I've been going through a lot these past few weeks and I've had time to think about everything. But the main thing I've been thinking about is how can I work on me. I've been so crazed, that I've put everything before me. I've recognized that this has got to stop and I have to take better care of me. Because if I'm not happy, then how can I make anybody else happy. I try so hard to please everybody and take care of them, that I've not taken care of me. So it's definately time for a change. Taking care of myself is higher on the list then I think it ever has been in my life.

When I read my horoscope today... in black and white, it was just another little sign to me that tells me I'm on the right path. My priorites have changed...I'll keep adjusting them until I'm happy with they way that they are.

Direct quote from my Doctor....

"These latest lab results must be wrong, or I don't know what is wrong with you."

Ahh... okay, not exactly what I was expecting to hear. But we do know that I still have this UTI infection that we just can't shake. Took this week off (vacation) to have some down time and rest. It's Friday and I'm not feeling any different. I'm back on another course of antibiotics to treat this infection. I'm really tired of being in pain. Went and had an ultrasound done of my kidneys on Wednesday...the radiologist said they looked fine, and my doctor would have the results that afternoon. Since I've heard nothing from my doctor I'm guessing things look okay.

So if my doctor thinks the test results can't be right... why don't we do another test you ask?
Two reasons: #1 my period hit me on tuesday, so that will show blood in the urine and mess up the test (TMI...I know). #2 since I'm on more antibiotics, the test won't read correctly until after I'm done this third round of antibiotics. So I have to wait until the above 2 things are done to get a correct read to determine where we are with this infection.

I go back to see my doctor @ 8:45 Monday morning, to see what the game plan is. I'm thinking I will possibly be taking a visit to another doctor to see what is wrong. My body is just being one big pain the ass right now.

HA!!!

I have my OBGYN appointment tomorrow afternoon for my yearly check up, and to talk about BABIES!!!! Oh... this conversation is going to be fun! I get to explain to him that for an entire month,I've been sick with this crap and haven't been in the mood for anything lately let alone sex. So much for trying...My poor husband!

This has got to stop!

A month with this UTI and now irritable bowel has got to stop. Tuesday was my last day of antibiotics (2nd round). From how I feel, I don't think it helped. I go for another pee test on Friday to check for the infection. Back to the doctor Tuesday to see what the results are. Doctor says my body is too stressed out to get better and I need to take time off from work. Two sick days last week just didn't help . So more time off for me. When? Soon. How long? No idea, that's the call for the doctor to make. I just want out of pain.